Alone

So this is it,
my life,
routine,
alone,
obscene.

I'm at peace,
but not glad,
stirring depression,
peaceful yet sad.

12:18 AM,
playing some house,
music, tech, me,
what horrible louse.

To sleep,
maybe to dream,
and it's always like this,
or so it seems

I'd like to forget,
let go of my stress.
finally be happy,
and be at rest.

He's still playing house,
nothing yet fine,
I'd prefer trance,
but it all wastes time.

Why Am I so drawn,
away from the world?
I feel only myself.
in routine I'm curled.

Playing by myself,
on my bed,
the techno background,
it hurts my head.

I'm in so much distress,
I just want a mate.
A friend of some sort,
with whom I won't debate.

No more gender,
I hate sex so much,
just to be close,
the caring touch

And that's all that matters.
Nothing else is worth it.
to just be by myself,
to not run, but sit.

But this world,
is so full of animals
Don't know love,
all of them cannibals.

I sit here alone,
creative, yet fine,
waiting for turn,
to find one not blind.

I wish they could see,
and see what I need,
not here to die,
or watch myself bleed.

I can't describe,
how I feel,
happy yet sad,
like none of it's real.

Maybe it isn't,
maybe I'm dreaming.
Maybe I'm dead,
no longer needing

Only now,
can I die,
when nothing else matters,
and I can no longer try.

Yes ,time for descent,
leaving with no one,
maybe to die,
this peace with a gun.